My brother-in-law, Roger, had been suffering from a chronic health condition for nearly two decades. During that time it was largely manageable. It turned acute last month, and he was hospitalized. Though he was released, he was not out of the woods. So, while it was shocking, it wasn't altogether surprising that he passed away on Sunday night.
As we plan the funeral -- which will most likely be this Sunday* -- we are experiencing a wide range of emotions. These include pain pain, disbelief and shock. I feel bad for the kids, who are trying to process the raw emotions. We are getting used to it, but it's hard to assuage their grief.
My best time with Roger was during the Superstorm Sandy emergency of 2012. Hal (Roger's father) and Roger's home in Westchester was uninhabitable, so they relocated to our house. Roger and I fell into enjoying a nightly walk to one of the local Chinese takeaways. Very few people could ever make me laugh the way Roger did on those outings, and I will remember them for the rest of my life.
But it was hard to get to know Roger, as he was a very private person. But I do know that he was intensely loyal to those he loved. This is evidenced by the devotion he showed Hal, during the latter's last years. Roger largely gave up his life in order to make sure Hal could live out his final years in his house. Roger was Hal's full-service staff, making sure his needs were met.
But I choose to remember Roger at the indoor playspace in Rohnert Park, when he was hanging out with my family, being a brother, a brother-in-law, and the best damn uncle he could be.
Rest in peace, brother.
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*I realize this is not in keeping with Jewish law, but Blair and I are not very religious, and neither was Roger. There are other considerations for us -- notably allowing Roger's beloved partner, Tim, to get to New York and be here for the burial.
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