five missing one (part 1): from conception to real song and rough demo

My song, "Five Missing One" didn't begin as an attempt to write a song; it started as an attempt to translate a song. חמישה פחות אחד ("Five Less One") was a song by Benny's Friends (which, as near as I can figure out was a loose group consisting of members of The Duda'im and The Parvarim -- early pioneers of Western flavored pop music in Israel). By "Western flavored" I mean "like American Western music." I do not mean it as a generic reference to all pop music of Western Europe and North America.  A video is here:

Following is an imperfect loose translation:

Soon the light, the light
My pretty endless black night
This light is what we are waiting for
And why we are here 

Soon the time, the time
The counting starts at the sign
This time is what we are waiting for
And why we are here 

We're five less one
We gave heart in heart and hand in hand
We had a friend who had no fear
We're five less one. 

Soon the song, the song
Flying over the sea, over the city
This song is what we are waiting for
And why we are here 

We're five less one
We gave heart in heart and hand in hand
We had a friend who had no fear
We're five less one.

I liked the song enough that I wanted to create an English translation -- true to the spirit of the original, but loose enough to sound right when sung to the same melody. I wrote a chorus:

We're five but we're but missing one.
Ride together under moon and sun.
We had a friend who wouldn't run.
We're five but we're missing one.

But at some point, instead of translating the verses I switched gears and decided to turn the whole thing into a new song. I knew it had to be something with a Western theme. But I had to make it different enough from the original that it would be a truly different song (spoiler alert: I think I succeeded). Maybe a story song.

But story songs are a problem for me. It takes a certain discipline to tell enough of the story for it to work, but not spell out every detail. I remembered some of the songs I wrote when I was in high school -- these ten-verse monstrosities because I didn't know how to hint at things and leave the details to the listener's imagination. It took a while (meaning a few years -- I'm not fast), but I eventually finished it. A couple verses -- two and a half actually -- and a bridge. I liked the idea of having the thing end in the middle of the third verse as the vocal trails off.

At this point, the song was as follows:

Guiding horses with able hands
Through valleys and tablelands.
Another night by the fire
With the freedom we desire. 

We're five but we're but missing one.
Ride together under moon and sun.
We had a friend who wouldn't run.
We're five but we're missing one. 

He thought it was all for fun
Then in a moment gone.
A day I won't forget
But a life I can't regret. 

We're five but we're but missing one.
Ride together under moon and sun.
We had a friend who wouldn't run.
We're five but we're missing one. 

He knew the risk. He took a chance
And gave us his last dance. 

So we drink to the family we found
And to the one who's not around.
And we ride on...

At the end of 2012 we were visiting a friend who happened to be a musician, and he agreed to record a rough demo with me. It was just him and me, a guitar, a mic and a mac. He suggested that, instead of ending with "And we ride on..." we have that lead to a quick pause, and then have a chorus. I rewrote one line for the final chorus (by the way, in retrospect, I hate that line), I played guitar while he sang. Then we went back and he added another vocal track for some harmonies. It's serviceable as a rough demo, though I think it's too fast. That's my fault, since I have a hard time regulating the speed at which I strum. Anyway, this is the recording we made:

I think I did a decent job of making this sufficiently different from that original Israeli song that I don't have to worry about copyright issues.

After that I eventually got a fully-produced demo courtesy of Bobtown. That will be the subject of a future post. Hopefully the next one, but I make no guarantees.