it's ok. i'm part sphardic

Often, if I am breaking Orthodox Jewish law and someone points it out, I will explain it away by saying "It's OK. I'm part Sphardic." I get a shrug from people not in the know, and a quizzical look or a laugh from people in the know (depending on whether they also know me). It's actually true. I am part Sphardic -- some nonempty subset of my maternal grandmother's ancestors migrated from Spain to Eastern Europe a bit over 500 years ago. Of course that's not why I'm breaking religious law. And, besides, I use that excuse even if the law in question is something followed by Sphardic Jews.

Eating a sandwich during Passover? "It's OK. I'm part Sphardic."

Driving on the Sabbath? "It's OK. I'm part Sphardic."

Wearing a mixture of wool and linen? Well, you get the idea...

So, recently I was at a meeting at work. I was sitting at the conference table, and there was an empty seat next to me. For whatever reason, there was quibbling over seats on the other side of the table. I pointed to the empty seat and said "Don't worry. I showered." As someone walked over to take the seat, I added "last week." Just a joke, mind you.

One of my orthodox colleagues said, "I hope not. It was the Nine Days."

I looked her in the eye and said, "It's OK. I'm part Sphardic."

What made this great is that the custom of not showering for the Nine Days (not that anyone I know of still follows it) was an Ashkenazic-only one. So, of course, my stupid excuse actually made sense.