back in the saddle: tricycle race 2016.

The short answer? We didn't win.

This was my fourth year running a tricycle racing team at work. I started in 2012, but took 2015 off. In those four years, my team, never got past the qualifying round. But this year we had the best shirts. And that's really all I care about.

Since this is the first time I'm writing a blogpost about the race, I'll include a year-by-year recap of my involvement.

2012 -- Getting Started

Before  2012 I had never even thought of getting involved in the tricycle race. But I got a call from my boss's boss. He told me that it would be a good thing if the actuarial department was represented in the race. That, of course, meant that his boss (the CFO) had told him that it would be good if there was an actuarial team.

There followed a frantic search for actuaries willing to compete. The task was made harder by the fact that the actuarial students were putting a team together, so I couldn't get any of them. But a little begging goes a long way. For a team name, I considered a few possibilities (three of which were based around "the force of mortality," which is a technical term in the actuarial field): "The Force of Mortality" "The Farce of Mortality" "Vim Mortalitatis" "A Bunch of Actuaries." For uniforms, I picked a font -- Brush Script MT -- that looked like what I think of as the proper script for baseball uniform fronts. Think of the LA Dodgers. I combined that with a clip art drawing of the grim reaper with a briefcase. I also wanted the uniforms to have the players' names and numbers on the back. But I wanted the numbers to be represented in ways other than simple Arabic numerals. One uniform had, as its number, the definite integral from 0 to 2 of xdx. Someone else had 4 choose 2. My uniform number (the back of my uniform is pictured here) was negative 1. My favorite, which I made for an admin whom I liked, was the limit (as x approaches zero) of sin(1/x).

I made the shirts using iron-ons and a press. I liked the design, but it was a lot of work, and the resulting shirts generally don't last long. Well, the shirts do. But the design starts to come off relatively soon, and the iron-on patch yellows. I also pulled a stupid. I neglected to realize that, to do iron-ons, I'd have to print everything reversed. I only realized this after I'd made a bunch of shirts. These backward logo shirts are now collector's items and will only go up in value when my team makes it to the majors. Buy yours now for the low price of $200 each.

The actuarial students put together a team. I forget what their name was. But their uniform consisted of a black shirt with a picture of the man who was running the student program. It gave the appearance that he had died and that they were memorializing him. We didn't win. Didn't even get past the qualifying round. But I didn't care.

2013 -- Back for more

By the time I was putting together a team for 2013, I knew that all I really cared about was the uniforms. This time out, I asked Desmond Devlin to draw a picture for the uniforms. I was envisioning the grim reaper on a tricycle, and I couldn't find one on the intertubes. OK, I found a couple but they were grim, and I wanted something that looked playful. Desmond, for the uninitiated, is a friend of mine, and also one of Mad Magazine's most prolific writers. But he doesn't consider himself an artist, even though he is very talented in that regard.

I asked Des how much he'd charge for a drawing, and he couldn't decide on a price. So we agreed that I would drive him and his wife to Ikea in Brooklyn so they could by furniture, then drive them (and their furniture) home. Des' drawing was inspired. I colorized it (and added a drop of blood on the end of the scythe)
and used it for the shirts. The grim reaper's face was supposed to be me, but I don't see the resemblance. As an aside, I should explain that Des has an uncanny knack for drawing my face. We've nicknamed his drawings "Moish-heads." But this Moish didn't head. Whatever. The picture was great, and I used the same font, though I slightly modified the writing so that "The Force of" was at a different angle than "Mortality." I went with the same basic idea for uniform numbers. To the best of my knowledge, it is not known whether my uniform number is infinity or some finite number (or, if the latter, what finite number it is). If I had to guess, I'd go with infinity. And, as in 2012, I made the shirts at home with iron-ons.

I'm pretty sure the actuarial students had a team, but I don't remember what it was called.

Again, we didn't get out of the qualifying round.

2014 -- More actuarial competition

The racing season in 2014 was marked by competition for racers. One of the other actuaries decided that the actuarial team should be called "Wheels of Fortune." I had grown to really like my team name. And the actuarial students didn't want to use his idea (I forget what they used). So he put together his own team.

One of the actuarial students offered to design uniforms for me, and I took her up on it, and used the same iron-on method for the uniforms. But I'd been growing weary of putting names and uniform numbers on the backs of the uniforms. The iron-ons are problematic enough. Doing iron-ons on both sides of the shirts added extra challenges that I just didn't want to keep dealing with.

I think there was an actuarial team in the Charlotte office that entered the Charlotte race. None of the actuarial teams won, despite my efforts at trike modification. We had a raised steering wheel and a wooden seat that was set higher and farther back than the standard seat. We attached sandpaper to the drive wheel to get better traction. That, by the way, is now against the rules. Fat lot of good it did us.

2015 -- The year that wasn't
In 2015, circumstances conspired to keep me out of the race. After 2014 I had decided that I was done dealing with iron-ons. For 2015 I would go with silk-screened shirts. Professionally made. But the race wasn't as well publicized, and by the time I found out about it, it was too late to go the professional route. I could have still gotten a team together and gone back to the iron-ons, but my heart wasn't in it, and I sat things out. I don;t think there was an actuarial student team either. The actuaries in Charlotte had a team.

2016 -- Back in the saddle
This year I was back. I recycled the Devlin design from 2013, but went with silk-screen. If anyone needs to get silk-screened shirts made, I recommend you check out customink.com. They were helpful and courteous. A pleasure to work with. I did change the design a little in order to reduce (by one) the number of colors.

It cost more than using iron-ons at home, but it was a lot less work, and these were the best uniforms I had ever gotten.

The actuarial students put together a team, called The UnderRiders. I liked our uniforms better. The Charlotte actuaries named their team "The Force of Mortality (with Improvement)." Their shirts were downright boring. By the way, both of these other actuarial teams got their shirts from customink.com as well. I believe they were all satisfied.

Anyway, I'm not sure whether to be annoyed or flattered about the Charlottans' name being so similar to mine. I preferred one of their other ideas -- "S(x) of the Fittest." S(x) is the survival function. But I suppose people would see that name and figure it's some kind of sex joke.

Given the tight time constraints -- my fault; I confused the calendar -- and the fact that it was a different tricycle model this year, I didn't try any mods. There was a little bit of controversy. "Sharknado" (instead of uniforms, they wore shark costumes) apparently won their qualifying heat, but were disqualified for a false start. This was also the first year that I actually rode. As team owner, I never rode before. But one of my riders had to drop out. He helped by finding a replacement, but she didn't want to ride. She was willing, but not eager. So I ended up riding. Oh, the thrill! Thank God it's over. Until next year.